Black as Midnight

Sleep a couple of hours, the body is breaking the coffee have no more effect, the words run through my fingers and I am not sure if want to write them, that memories is fresh like the water for a thirsty man, but it does not matter the past is there, it make me, it broke me, thae words an the action that mark the course of the time, make history that shouldn't be written,but past is paart of the facts of this present, hundreds miles away from home.

This path is what I choose, maybe is not the best maybe is the worst, I lead my destiny with this sick eyes, an this broken soul, my sins are with me I walk among the ghosts of my memories, the coffee run right through my system, is my meal maybe my dinner, but is just what i need I hope morphes will touch me and take me to the realm of the dreams, I hope I will not rememberof nothing in the morning, that dreams the kill the mind,those dreams that can break the body. A rose in  the night, the cold  beer to induce the sleep, Her number is in my mind even when I don not want to call even when I delete it from my cellphone, I miss the wind, i miss the mountains in the horizon, but I really miss....

One cup more maybe two or three. 

Bloody Kiss

One kiss that open your eyes, that kill your mind, one kiss to surrender a body, one smile, one memory that kill a mind, one promise to stand away, the mind blow the air, the sun in the sky, is time to forget or time to remember, just word in the dictionary, just word that make the people smile or cry, like a kiss from a rose. Kiss the fog of an illusion that fade away in the morning, with the bell of the church in the air, the start of a day in which I will die at night, the pages of the books are dancing in my brain, dialogs and images that popup in the imagination of the reader, the love is beautiful, and the tagedy is true, the maniacs walk between the realms, all the nightmares are written and sometimes they become true, like the kiss of a girl in the mouth of the wolf.

The pain is true, the betrayal is real, and is not written in the yellow pages of a tragic novel, the villian is  me because I want the vengance written with the blood of my enemies, with the guitar solo in my mind, and the soprano voice in air, the sound of the broken bone and the scream for redemption, drilling my ears, but that kiss in the past make me weak, the smell return to my brain full of corruption make me human, just you,  but the time will give me peace.

The hope and the remember must disappear with that pain, but is so fresh, the time is not enough for the scar close, the world keeps turning around the sun, and the moon is still there, The silent peacefull  night give me dream that hurt more than the words of hope, and that kiss, because I still feel the pain of that love,  because all I think is about her.

One rose, one dream and the pain is still there.

Princess

When I started this blog I started with a video and a person that I still have in my mind and my soul today I dreamed with her, with her smile and her face, everything I remember about her, I am like a ghost hating to be a painful dream, like an asshole, I have hurt many people, many people who have been important to me, one was her, now walking alone in the shadows because is the place I belong, the songs start to pentrate my mind, destroying my defenses,  now the days in the past are like a vison that hurt my pierced soul, That pain that hold me up in the morning, that make me wish the death, but my sins do not let me die, One cup of coffee in the damn morning, I hate to dream because every dream I have is nightmare now and was a dream in the past, the reality absob my body in the shower, the hot water hurts my skin and remind me I am not sleep, one beer and  another cup is my breakfast, I remember of the ocean sound, the street full of presons that have their own problems, The music start with a forgonten song Echos of the luna cult, All I think is about her, about the bad dream I am now for her or is what I wish or What I want to be for her.

She is still a princess in a world far away, in a place where there is still hope, I want her happiness, even in my dreams I walk among the living ones I disappea frome their lives like a shadow, without warning, is my way of being, like a bastard, I do not deny I hurt me and the people around me, But is the only form I can control myself.

She wasn't the first one how I left, stop searching, talking, I disappear like a ghost like a bad dream, this is my way,  knowing I would pay for my sins.

I am the architect of my own destiny, my past is my bridge and future is uncertain. But I would never forget what I have done to you little princess. I do not deserve forgiveness and I am not seeking redemption. I am who I am, nothing more nothing else, I have fogote how to smile, but that was the price.

Smile

One man is waiting, there is a long way to home, the sun is the horizon, the time is running out, but what is not, one smile in my face more false than the existance of the hope. Nobody lies in the room of the devil, just the perfume of their soul, The mind blow up, the smell of Kerosene, and the flavor of the beer in my mouth, That song written it for Wanda, in the dark saga, the rift of the guitar, the sunshine make me blind, the phantoms infront of me create illusion, the path is hard, one more day, one more instant.

The word that bleed in the mark of the smile, to broke a spirit in the light of a consultancy, the letter in front of me are hazy, I fight my own war, one with a written destiny, the time is the enemy, my mind is the commander, like the chess dere are a lot of possibilities, the luck is not a fact, atleast not now, that smile like the kryptonite, The dead boy poem is in the air, one voice, one demon how ate everything, the one who is inside of me.

That scream that turn the smile in snow, of an erupting volcano, the pain is said to be inside the mind, but the mind is complex like the universe, a lot of electrical impulses, tha travel in the body, in the hearth. Question are exploiting in my mind, What I am going to lose now?, What is is the meaning of lose?,  There is something to lose?, Or the destiny is something to fight for, or something to die for, or just nothing like the live of an ant in the shoe of a man.

Live or die there is the question, believe it or not.


Die is the only thing the humans can choose when did it come?

The cowards hide, the heroes find it, the lover wish and you

Monday Call

Don't fall sleep with sun in their zenith, the morning is cruel and the sunshine with a presence that make me afraid I can only open one eye, the pain is great, the night is far away now, the sound of the cars surround the environment, there is no justice is just only the time, 13 hours. the metalic taste  in my mouth, the devil whisper in my ear, the cold taste of a beer in the morning, after a hot shower, an apple for the fridge, one more day, the longest it become since monday, one fucking e-mail, one fucking call and the nightmare start again.

The pain is in the air 24 beer after, is just time, nothing more, nothing else. I am here reading again, waiting for the sweet flavor of the cold dish, There are not Sicilians in this tale,but the blood still burns in that feeling, I am not waiting for the redemption, not the forgiveness, the blood is calling, and my mind is sedated for the effect of alcohol, I walk and I take a cup of coffe, black as my soul, I read a couple of page more.

My mind is numb, not for the alcohol, but for the pain, the scar is still open, and the words are part of me, in the name of the gods, I fight against me, my own demons walk with me, the pain in my right eye, the sound of her voice, the sound that I do not want to hear again, rounding my brain. Sweet madness, beautiful pain, there is no enough beer in my fridge, one more day one more nightmare.

Don Corlenone nodded "Revenge is a dish that tastes best when it is cold"
The Godfather-Mario Puzo

Landing

I am landing far away here, the dreams, no the worst nightmare are here, besides I am here fighting against an enemy that  i can not defeat, the glory of the past is an illusion, I pray to the gods to for favor in the future in this journey, I know that I have to risk everything, all in this bet.  

Come back home is just a phrase, because nothing in this world is certain as death, the future belongs to the past, the action that marked our past, made the present and rulede the future. Every action made my future. We all play a part on history's great  stage, the little man can become great and the righteous man can be a villan. In this world filled with fears, crimes are made and prices are paid, the betrayal and the forgiveness are just word  without meaning if we did not know the past the circustances but it hurt, like the thorn of a rose, or the memory of a fallen love.

I had heard that "Nobody can decide what happens to you, nobody but you" I could be true but there are variables, that we can not control, the weather, the human mind, because of that we need to question everything just to learn a few thing and find more questions, But when the answers are find are easy to understand when we are the ones  who discover it. If we are not we are only walking in the trace of somebody  else "giants". We need to understand why, when and who made it true.

I am all alone. I always have been. I always will be. Because in my mind I am the only one who walk there, the past marks my path and the future is uncertain, but what is not. One smile, one tear,just the time is forever.

Honor, principles or love are worthy to die for, or  i am wrong?

The rose have shown their thorn and the price should be paid maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but someday.

A-->Z

I have always known the price of the life, one smile or one tear is the same, maybe I  am just a bastard, with a cursed mind, a grind mind, one mind who want to control almost every variable, knowing that that is imposible, One live, one endless game or maybe finite as the change of a clock, one smile, the one how can kill a spirt, I do not seek for forgiveness I am not worthy, Whenever I see you even in my dream my world fall down, you smile the fact that I lose you forever, I cry to the moon asking for the ending of this mayhem. I smile knowing the gods will not have mercy with me.  

Because I start a fight that I can not win, my arrogance will define me, the fact I am not going to surrender, and I will remeamber the night that I fell. Is present in my mind like it was yesterday, I want to forget but that is my stigma, that was my desicion, I choose my fate , now and ever, there are consequences, you need to decide if they are worthy to face them or you are in retreat.

Maybe tomorrow I will die, maybe I will live forever, maybe just for an instant, I can said I was happy, I was in love and I betrayed her. In my dreams I can see her,I can tell her how I feel, In my dreams I want to die, but I deserve the greatest punishment, in the tartarus, but I will continue living knowing that she is happy without me. And that maybe  make me happy for a moment because she was the queen of my world. And I should pay the price for my sins.


I still feel the pain.

I am the master of my destiny, the one who will fight every night and fell at dawn. The one who walk among  the living ones, until the night devour his mind.