Princess

When I started this blog I started with a video and a person that I still have in my mind and my soul today I dreamed with her, with her smile and her face, everything I remember about her, I am like a ghost hating to be a painful dream, like an asshole, I have hurt many people, many people who have been important to me, one was her, now walking alone in the shadows because is the place I belong, the songs start to pentrate my mind, destroying my defenses,  now the days in the past are like a vison that hurt my pierced soul, That pain that hold me up in the morning, that make me wish the death, but my sins do not let me die, One cup of coffee in the damn morning, I hate to dream because every dream I have is nightmare now and was a dream in the past, the reality absob my body in the shower, the hot water hurts my skin and remind me I am not sleep, one beer and  another cup is my breakfast, I remember of the ocean sound, the street full of presons that have their own problems, The music start with a forgonten song Echos of the luna cult, All I think is about her, about the bad dream I am now for her or is what I wish or What I want to be for her.

She is still a princess in a world far away, in a place where there is still hope, I want her happiness, even in my dreams I walk among the living ones I disappea frome their lives like a shadow, without warning, is my way of being, like a bastard, I do not deny I hurt me and the people around me, But is the only form I can control myself.

She wasn't the first one how I left, stop searching, talking, I disappear like a ghost like a bad dream, this is my way,  knowing I would pay for my sins.

I am the architect of my own destiny, my past is my bridge and future is uncertain. But I would never forget what I have done to you little princess. I do not deserve forgiveness and I am not seeking redemption. I am who I am, nothing more nothing else, I have fogote how to smile, but that was the price.

Smile

One man is waiting, there is a long way to home, the sun is the horizon, the time is running out, but what is not, one smile in my face more false than the existance of the hope. Nobody lies in the room of the devil, just the perfume of their soul, The mind blow up, the smell of Kerosene, and the flavor of the beer in my mouth, That song written it for Wanda, in the dark saga, the rift of the guitar, the sunshine make me blind, the phantoms infront of me create illusion, the path is hard, one more day, one more instant.

The word that bleed in the mark of the smile, to broke a spirit in the light of a consultancy, the letter in front of me are hazy, I fight my own war, one with a written destiny, the time is the enemy, my mind is the commander, like the chess dere are a lot of possibilities, the luck is not a fact, atleast not now, that smile like the kryptonite, The dead boy poem is in the air, one voice, one demon how ate everything, the one who is inside of me.

That scream that turn the smile in snow, of an erupting volcano, the pain is said to be inside the mind, but the mind is complex like the universe, a lot of electrical impulses, tha travel in the body, in the hearth. Question are exploiting in my mind, What I am going to lose now?, What is is the meaning of lose?,  There is something to lose?, Or the destiny is something to fight for, or something to die for, or just nothing like the live of an ant in the shoe of a man.

Live or die there is the question, believe it or not.


Die is the only thing the humans can choose when did it come?

The cowards hide, the heroes find it, the lover wish and you

Monday Call

Don't fall sleep with sun in their zenith, the morning is cruel and the sunshine with a presence that make me afraid I can only open one eye, the pain is great, the night is far away now, the sound of the cars surround the environment, there is no justice is just only the time, 13 hours. the metalic taste  in my mouth, the devil whisper in my ear, the cold taste of a beer in the morning, after a hot shower, an apple for the fridge, one more day, the longest it become since monday, one fucking e-mail, one fucking call and the nightmare start again.

The pain is in the air 24 beer after, is just time, nothing more, nothing else. I am here reading again, waiting for the sweet flavor of the cold dish, There are not Sicilians in this tale,but the blood still burns in that feeling, I am not waiting for the redemption, not the forgiveness, the blood is calling, and my mind is sedated for the effect of alcohol, I walk and I take a cup of coffe, black as my soul, I read a couple of page more.

My mind is numb, not for the alcohol, but for the pain, the scar is still open, and the words are part of me, in the name of the gods, I fight against me, my own demons walk with me, the pain in my right eye, the sound of her voice, the sound that I do not want to hear again, rounding my brain. Sweet madness, beautiful pain, there is no enough beer in my fridge, one more day one more nightmare.

Don Corlenone nodded "Revenge is a dish that tastes best when it is cold"
The Godfather-Mario Puzo