Princess

When I started this blog I started with a video and a person that I still have in my mind and my soul today I dreamed with her, with her smile and her face, everything I remember about her, I am like a ghost hating to be a painful dream, like an asshole, I have hurt many people, many people who have been important to me, one was her, now walking alone in the shadows because is the place I belong, the songs start to pentrate my mind, destroying my defenses,  now the days in the past are like a vison that hurt my pierced soul, That pain that hold me up in the morning, that make me wish the death, but my sins do not let me die, One cup of coffee in the damn morning, I hate to dream because every dream I have is nightmare now and was a dream in the past, the reality absob my body in the shower, the hot water hurts my skin and remind me I am not sleep, one beer and  another cup is my breakfast, I remember of the ocean sound, the street full of presons that have their own problems, The music start with a forgonten song Echos of the luna cult, All I think is about her, about the bad dream I am now for her or is what I wish or What I want to be for her.

She is still a princess in a world far away, in a place where there is still hope, I want her happiness, even in my dreams I walk among the living ones I disappea frome their lives like a shadow, without warning, is my way of being, like a bastard, I do not deny I hurt me and the people around me, But is the only form I can control myself.

She wasn't the first one how I left, stop searching, talking, I disappear like a ghost like a bad dream, this is my way,  knowing I would pay for my sins.

I am the architect of my own destiny, my past is my bridge and future is uncertain. But I would never forget what I have done to you little princess. I do not deserve forgiveness and I am not seeking redemption. I am who I am, nothing more nothing else, I have fogote how to smile, but that was the price.

Smile

One man is waiting, there is a long way to home, the sun is the horizon, the time is running out, but what is not, one smile in my face more false than the existance of the hope. Nobody lies in the room of the devil, just the perfume of their soul, The mind blow up, the smell of Kerosene, and the flavor of the beer in my mouth, That song written it for Wanda, in the dark saga, the rift of the guitar, the sunshine make me blind, the phantoms infront of me create illusion, the path is hard, one more day, one more instant.

The word that bleed in the mark of the smile, to broke a spirit in the light of a consultancy, the letter in front of me are hazy, I fight my own war, one with a written destiny, the time is the enemy, my mind is the commander, like the chess dere are a lot of possibilities, the luck is not a fact, atleast not now, that smile like the kryptonite, The dead boy poem is in the air, one voice, one demon how ate everything, the one who is inside of me.

That scream that turn the smile in snow, of an erupting volcano, the pain is said to be inside the mind, but the mind is complex like the universe, a lot of electrical impulses, tha travel in the body, in the hearth. Question are exploiting in my mind, What I am going to lose now?, What is is the meaning of lose?,  There is something to lose?, Or the destiny is something to fight for, or something to die for, or just nothing like the live of an ant in the shoe of a man.

Live or die there is the question, believe it or not.


Die is the only thing the humans can choose when did it come?

The cowards hide, the heroes find it, the lover wish and you

Monday Call

Don't fall sleep with sun in their zenith, the morning is cruel and the sunshine with a presence that make me afraid I can only open one eye, the pain is great, the night is far away now, the sound of the cars surround the environment, there is no justice is just only the time, 13 hours. the metalic taste  in my mouth, the devil whisper in my ear, the cold taste of a beer in the morning, after a hot shower, an apple for the fridge, one more day, the longest it become since monday, one fucking e-mail, one fucking call and the nightmare start again.

The pain is in the air 24 beer after, is just time, nothing more, nothing else. I am here reading again, waiting for the sweet flavor of the cold dish, There are not Sicilians in this tale,but the blood still burns in that feeling, I am not waiting for the redemption, not the forgiveness, the blood is calling, and my mind is sedated for the effect of alcohol, I walk and I take a cup of coffe, black as my soul, I read a couple of page more.

My mind is numb, not for the alcohol, but for the pain, the scar is still open, and the words are part of me, in the name of the gods, I fight against me, my own demons walk with me, the pain in my right eye, the sound of her voice, the sound that I do not want to hear again, rounding my brain. Sweet madness, beautiful pain, there is no enough beer in my fridge, one more day one more nightmare.

Don Corlenone nodded "Revenge is a dish that tastes best when it is cold"
The Godfather-Mario Puzo

Landing

I am landing far away here, the dreams, no the worst nightmare are here, besides I am here fighting against an enemy that  i can not defeat, the glory of the past is an illusion, I pray to the gods to for favor in the future in this journey, I know that I have to risk everything, all in this bet.  

Come back home is just a phrase, because nothing in this world is certain as death, the future belongs to the past, the action that marked our past, made the present and rulede the future. Every action made my future. We all play a part on history's great  stage, the little man can become great and the righteous man can be a villan. In this world filled with fears, crimes are made and prices are paid, the betrayal and the forgiveness are just word  without meaning if we did not know the past the circustances but it hurt, like the thorn of a rose, or the memory of a fallen love.

I had heard that "Nobody can decide what happens to you, nobody but you" I could be true but there are variables, that we can not control, the weather, the human mind, because of that we need to question everything just to learn a few thing and find more questions, But when the answers are find are easy to understand when we are the ones  who discover it. If we are not we are only walking in the trace of somebody  else "giants". We need to understand why, when and who made it true.

I am all alone. I always have been. I always will be. Because in my mind I am the only one who walk there, the past marks my path and the future is uncertain, but what is not. One smile, one tear,just the time is forever.

Honor, principles or love are worthy to die for, or  i am wrong?

The rose have shown their thorn and the price should be paid maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but someday.

A-->Z

I have always known the price of the life, one smile or one tear is the same, maybe I  am just a bastard, with a cursed mind, a grind mind, one mind who want to control almost every variable, knowing that that is imposible, One live, one endless game or maybe finite as the change of a clock, one smile, the one how can kill a spirt, I do not seek for forgiveness I am not worthy, Whenever I see you even in my dream my world fall down, you smile the fact that I lose you forever, I cry to the moon asking for the ending of this mayhem. I smile knowing the gods will not have mercy with me.  

Because I start a fight that I can not win, my arrogance will define me, the fact I am not going to surrender, and I will remeamber the night that I fell. Is present in my mind like it was yesterday, I want to forget but that is my stigma, that was my desicion, I choose my fate , now and ever, there are consequences, you need to decide if they are worthy to face them or you are in retreat.

Maybe tomorrow I will die, maybe I will live forever, maybe just for an instant, I can said I was happy, I was in love and I betrayed her. In my dreams I can see her,I can tell her how I feel, In my dreams I want to die, but I deserve the greatest punishment, in the tartarus, but I will continue living knowing that she is happy without me. And that maybe  make me happy for a moment because she was the queen of my world. And I should pay the price for my sins.


I still feel the pain.

I am the master of my destiny, the one who will fight every night and fell at dawn. The one who walk among  the living ones, until the night devour his mind.

Take my pain away with a shot, the pain is inside me, the future is uncertain the wolf is crying to the moon knowing how far is it, 23 night since the start of the nightmare, it can not rain forever is what the song said, the other said I can walk on stormy seas, but nothing is forever, except the legends, except the immortality.


The night hide the worst demons, and few can walk among the light, among the sun, the light is fading in the north, I can stand a mountain my eyes are losing the light, the time is running, as the world keeps turning, what is hope if your future is uncertain, what is hope if you do not have answers, what is hope without pain. go bad,

Is nothing except a word.

The sun is in the horizon one month  or two maybe three, I do not know. one more book.

"Once things go bad, they tend to stand bad"


No way forward or back, in stalemate, we stagnate,
life cycle is an automation, instinctively, we race to get ahead?
And now our virgin minds are raped.

Another insignificance to join the rat race.
Self indulgence within our grasp.

We're taught but torn.

The sanctity of life, so vulnerable,
the world keeps turning - we spin out of control.
Guided, or could this mean misguided, no time for questions,
preoccupied with pressing on, the world keeps turning -
we overdose on overdrive.
Superior species with inferior ideas.

We overload our bodies and minds,
respect this world while committing suicide.
Poison trait.

We're the cause not the cure,
our methods will surly drag us down.
Guided, or could this mean misguided,
our virgin minds are raped -
the world keeps turning -
we overdose on overdrive,
we spin out of control.

In stalemate, we stagnate!

The world keeps turning - Napalm Death

The blind

The blind man took his sword in the silence of the night waiting for his fate, the death was near. A pale women with black long hair as her eyes. When she ask him:

- Are you happy with your live? he answered
-If she is happy, I'm happy in this moment.
-Then you are not happy, Do you have regrets?
-A few but are worthless, the action has been made. I can not turn the time back, the world keeps turning.
-If I kill you could be happy?
-I opened the gates of my own hell a long time ago.
-In other words you are dead. No I am living in the hell I made among the living ones.
-None can made a hell.
-How can you be sure?
-Because to be in hell you must pass the styx.
-The river of the ancient gods.
-The only way to enter to  hades.
-Yes I came here for you.
-Then is an honor for me, may I ask you name of my guest?
-The name are useless but if you want to call me in a sort of name you can call me Macaria.
-The daughter of Hades.
-You know  Greek mythology.
-A little, my name is Greek  but as you said in this moment is useless.
-You know your fate.
-I hope is the tartarus.
-Why did you want to be in the tartarus the deep part of the hades? -
Is the place I belong my sins are great, I had betrayed my friends and the woman I love.
-You are still in love with her?
-Until my soul would be destroyed.  
-Who are you? What are your sins? Why are not you afraid? Why are not you smiling? Why are you looking at me if you're blind? Why I want to understand you?
-Just take me to the hell, I beg you this pain is to huge. The moon is talking to me and the dreams drive me to madness, fear in nothing in comparison to the feeling of emptyness. To the feeling of endless sadness I have in my heart.  -And death took his arm, saying
-Your place is not among the living, but not with the dead.